"Do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar, or would you prefer them free-range?" -- The Road to El Dorado

We've had this movie basically since it came out on DVD, but it was only recently that my sister excavated her room and found it in a bag in a box at the bottom of a pile of clothes. How it got there, I don't know. Lucky for you, though, since now I can review it.

The Road to El Dorado is Disney done right. Good animation, relatively stock characters and plot, much funny, and good music coalesce into the cliche of "a movie everyone in the family will like." Trite but true.

Requisite plot summary: a pair of con men, accidentally stow away on Cortez's ship bound for the new world, are discovered and jailed, escape, reach South/Central America, follow a map they conned someone out of to El Dorado (the City of Gold), are mistaken as gods, and use this error to try to con the city out of a boatload of gold (in a very literal sense, as they need that boat to get back home to Spain). And there's a sociopathic bloodthirsty evil High Priest thrown in, just to mix things up. The plot is fairly stock Disney, but that's part of the charm.

Let's talk more about the protagonists: Miguel and Tulio. We meet these two con artists at the end of a game of dice against some sailors (they are using loaded dice, of course). Always wheeling and dealing, our duo of swashbuckling glib-tongued rapscallions manage to carry the film for pretty much every moment they are on screen together. Their banter really makes the movie. Miguel (voiced by Kenneth Branagh [which surprised the heck out of me], who does a darned good job of it) is the more soulful of the two. He's a dreamer, a risk-taker, a musician, a ladies man, and a basically nice guy. Tulio (voiced by Kevin Kline, who also turns a superb performance) is more analytical, happiest when following a plan that will lead to lots of gold. He's a little more selfish, but he's also more level-headed and realistic. Both characters carry the same amount of appeal, however, which is generally how buddy pictures work best.

I mentioned their banter. Funny as hell, their interplay is. Every line is golden (ironic, considering the movie), funny, interesting, clever, and perfectly delightful. Although this is the source of the funniest funnies, other types of funnies also reside here. Slapstick, of course, can be found in abundance. There's some deadpan, some pure absurdity, some situational humor, and even a little black comedy here and there (see the title of the post for an example), among others kinds. There really is something for everyone here.

You couldn't possibly review this movie adequately without at least mentioning the sweet original music. As a Disney Wannabe, this movie must have a good song sequence every twenty-or-so minutes or it gets its card revoked. A lot of the time in Disney movies, the songs drag on and add little, if anything, to the picture. They are boring diversions, nothing more. However, Elton John, Time Rice, and Hans Zimmer (the same dudes who did the totally righteous music for Teh L10n K1ng, yo) supplied the tunes for El Dorado, and the quality shows. Although undoubtedly not the best Disney-esque music ever, it's still quite good; rather catchy, interesting lyrics, beautiful melodies, and great poignancy make it all work well. Most importantly, these songs don't drag, and they sometimes even help move the plot along (for example, the journey of Miguel and Tulio through the jungle). Interestingly enough, Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline actually sang their parts of the duet (separately, I assume). Just goes to show how much range they have.

Finally, it is important to go into the movie with your level 15 Suspenders of Disbelief on. You're gonna need it for everything from the typical Disney elements (ie semianthropomorphic animals) to the language (ie "it's convenient how everyone speaks perfect English with almost no accent appropriate to their geographic area at all, isn't it?") to the amazing luck these guys have (ie right when they are called upon to produce a miracle, a volcano nearby erupts for a moment) to the moments of pure fantasy (ie bizarre animals). I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but it is something you need to watch out for if you are to enjoy this movie at all.

Action: 3/5 flying horses (Pretty good, but not the focus of the movie).
Acting: 4.5/5 loaded dice (I am speaking of course of the voice acting, which is exquisite).
Humor: 4.5/5 blazed trails (Hilarious. Even side-splittingly hilarious, from time to time).
Story: 3.5/5 gold chalices (Although it's pretty much Disney norm, El Dorado has made some improvements that score it an extra half-point).
Sound: 4/5 improvised guitars (With the team assembled, what do you expect? Very good music. That's exactly what you get).
Visuals: 3/5 rubber balls (Although the animation was certainly well done, it's not really anything special).

Overall (not necessarily determined by the above categories): 4/5 row boats (If you like Disney, you'll probably like this more than at least most of the new Disney movies. If you don't like Disney movies, you just might like this movie because it does many things Disney does, but much much better and without those trademark Disney flaws).